I fucking miss you. Yeah I said it. I fucking miss you. I wish you missed me as much I as I kiss you and roo. Fuck it I will drunk idgaf about what I’m saying right now. Ughhhh hh.
And now MN is the 12th State in the nation to legalize Same-Sex Marriage. <3
As well as having a day to recognize the Hmong who’ve fought for the Americans during the Vietnam war. Happy Hmong American Day! <3
They’ve said to me, “You’re really mean,” “Why do you always push people away,” “Your wall is impossible to break down,”…
& Yeah, I do have my guards up. I just don’t know how to put it down anymore..
I got a fortune cookie with a fortune that said, “Love is just around the corner.”
Then I met you, two weeks later…
My first. But, I don’t think you’ll be my ‘last’…. unless some fucking miracle happens…
Dreamt of you…
I try to stop myself from having reoccurring thoughts of you. I can’t take it anymore, this sadness inside me because there’s nothing I can do. I miss you. Yeah, I said it. I miss you. And I will always miss you.
What is it that is keeping us apart? All these weird feelings in my heart, I want it to stop. It’s driving me nuts, even after all these years. I keep thinking nothing will top, what we had. Then I think, what have you done for me recently? Other than keep me crying, eyes wet with tears.
I had a dream of you last night, and this is what made me write. I was fine, until I saw your face again. You said you wanted to see me, but I tried putting up a fight. You’re so selfish, have you ever thought about how I’ve been? How I’m hurting? How I want you to myself, only?
I woke up from this unsatisfying dream. I never found out of I did come to see you or not. I probably would have, or so it would seem. Knowing how I long for you, how I’m so naïve. I wonder what you would have said. Or maybe the ending is better left unknown. I will let my thoughts wander, my feelings untouched. And I will let you live on, not knowing what is happening. I will let you live on, knowing the ending.
Sarah Kay: If I Should Have a Daughter
“If I should have a daughter, instead of “Mom,” she’s gonna call me “Point B,” because that way she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint solar systems on the backs of her hands so she has to learn the entire universe before she can say, “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.” And she’s going to learn that this life will hit you hard in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by Band-Aids or poetry. So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried. ”And, baby,” I’ll tell her, don’t keep your nose up in the air like that. I know that trick; I’ve done it a million times. You’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house, so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place, to see if you can change him.” But I know she will anyway, so instead I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby, because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix. Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks that chocolate can’t fix.But that’s what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything, if you let it. I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass-bottom boat, to look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind, because that’s the way my mom taught me. That there’ll be days like this. ♫ There’ll be days like this, my momma said. ♫ When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises; when you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape; when your boots will fill with rain, and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment. And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you. Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away. You will put the wind in winsome, lose some. You will put the star in starting over, and over. And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute, be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life. And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting, I am pretty damn naive. But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily, but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it. ”Baby,” I’ll tell her, “remember, your momma is a worrier, and your poppa is a warrior, and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.” Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things. And always apologize when you’ve done something wrong, but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small, but don’t ever stop singing. And when they finally hand you heartache, when they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street-corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.”
Your sincerity and loyalty, as a friend- It’s questionable. Don’t tell me you cared, show me your sympathy or even speak to me, `cause whatever comes out of your mouth, it’s all bull-
I’ve been lied to, cheated on, and used. So don’t think that the shit you pull is gonna phase me. It pains, but doesn’t kill me. It’ll only define you.
Everyone says that “Friends come and go in life.” I’m not about that shit. Friends don’t treat friends like this. Friends stay, they don’t go. It’s just ‘people’ who walk in, that will continue to walk out of your life.
So keep walking. I won’t stop you. Don’t think I’ll call out your name and forgive you. But thanks for showing me all the crap I can receive, in this little thing called life.
Can’t believe I wrote this in Junior High.
I wish you were here. I’m in need of some strength.